So the news of the day is that my paper topic for HST 407 got shot down on Thursday, and I have until about Monday to come up with a new one. So I'm digging through various things online, such as the Congressional Globe for July 4, 1861.
The Senate's proceedings therein take like 2-3 pages, and are on the order of "Right then. Here's some messages from the President and the cabinet secretaries. We all done, then? Excellent."
The House of Representatives is slightly more chaotic. It's on the order of:
Clerk: Ok. Down to business. Roll call.
Guy 1: I object. Flunky over here wasn't properly elected. He went and got elected in Virginia, then voted in Ohio because he felt like it.
Clerk: Right then. Well, we can't deal with that until we have, like, a roll call and a Speaker and stuff. I'm just a powerless flunky.
Guy 2: Well, there are these guys from Viriginia who shouldn't be here. They're all filthy rebel scum.
Clerk: Were you not listening or something?
Guy 2: Sorry.
Clerk: Now then...
Guy 3: But wait! This other guy shouldn't be here either!
Clerk: Dammit. Listen to me when I speak. Now. Elect a Speaker. I'm tired of this crap.
So they do.
Speaker: Right. Now, let's get some rules established...
Guy 1: About that guy who shouldn't be here...
Speaker: Argh. Ok. Well Flunky, is it true?
Flunky: Well, yes. I did in fact get elected in Virginia and then vote in Ohio because I felt like. However, I will attempt Clintonesque word games and deception about this, which nobody will buy. In addition, I will be very worried about the whole "Virginia rebel scum" thing.
Speaker: Right. Can we get on with it now?
Guy 2: No. About that rebel scum thing.
Speaker: Let's argue about this for a page or so, then refer it to a committee.
Guy 2: Ok, I guess that works.
Speaker: Now, on to busine...
Guy 3: But this other guy.
Speaker: Screw this. I hate you all. Why can't we be like the Senate? They're done by now. We haven't even got started. This sucks. I wish automatic assault rifles had been invented so I could go postal on you all.
Posted by Dwip at February 21, 2004 5:06 PMThat's the funniest thing I've read this week.
Posted by: Regina at February 22, 2004 12:18 PM