The Ravings of Demented Rabbits

On Friendship

This was actually supposed to go in the comment section of Regina's blog, in response to this post here, but it sort of outgrew that, so here we are. Since most of the people involved in the discussion read us both, this shouldn't be an issue. Those of you who don't read this one, don't worry. The evil-looking, lightsaber-wielding small forest animals are kind, friendly, evil-looking, lightsaber-wielding small forest animals.

(We'll talk about the vampirism and the squirrel aliens some other time)

So, let's talk about friendships and things. But first, a word from our sponsors reminding you that Valentine's Day can only be a cool holiday IF you're not single. If you are, it's decidedly the opposite. Yeah, I like getting candy from Mom too, but.

Also, no HTML commenting. Small forest animals are sad.

Anyway.

Going waaaaaaaaay back to the beginning, Simfish was talking about his 790 Chem SAT II score, which although he attempts to be modest about it, is pretty damn good. Self teaching your way to the better portion of it is even more good. And I don't think that more good would've gotten me very far on my own SAT, but I've got a degree now. I'm allowed. Points being these: First, the guy with the history degree practically taught himself all his history until university, so I know exactly how hard that can be; second, there is a point at which perfectionism is counterproductive, and you've recognized that point. Remember folks: If the test problem is hard, do the rest first, then come back.

I guess there's also a second and a half point that notes that, in the end, the point is not "Did I do well on this test?" so much as "Do I know this subject?" There is a decided difference, and the second option is much better than the first. I've taken tests and aced them and can't explain the subject these days, and I've taken tests and bombed them, and it's a subject I know much about.

But I think we were talking about the utlity of friendships, here, so maybe I ought to talk about that for a bit.

There are very few, if any, true loners in the world, who don't need companionship of some sort. Which isn't to say that for whatever reason a lot of your great scientists and great leaders and such tend to not have a lot of friends, but while they might do great things, many of them tend not to be the types of people you'd like to hang out with.

In my case, it works like this. My chosen profession, such as it is, is history. Interestingly enough, I don't and never really have talked shop with most of my friends. Regina and I will do so from time to time, and Marechal and I do so on a fairly regular basis, but really he's the only one I share a profession with. In reality, a good chunk of my friends are engineers and computer science types (spread fairly evenly between RL and online, interestingly), and our professions are mutually unintelligable to each other.

As it happens, in fact, I can only think of one HS friend I made through class (math, as it happens), and the assorted grade school friends one generally picks up just by being in the same class for a few years. The rest come from a variety of sources, mostly gaming. MUDs for one, Tonto Clan for another, Realms Beyond Civilization, and of course friends of friends.

The half a point thus far is: All work and no play makes Jack (or Simfish or Dwip) a dull boy (or fish or rabbit).

That having been said, the people you stay friends with, you can relate to on more than one level. Using people on this blog for an example, Regina and I never to my knowledge played a game of Age of Kings though we were in the same clan, but can talk these days about a variety of topics ranging from books to music to history/current affairs. Whir and I got started on Crystal Shard MUD way back in the day, and yeah, we still play a lot of games, but we also have similar taste in music and such, amongst other things. One of the RBCiv folks turned out to live near me, and now I'm friends with both her and her husband, playing in a couple weekly games of non-Civ stuff.

Ultimate point being, focusing entirely on one thing, say your profession, will stunt you as a person and make you unable to relate to the greater portion of the human race. Directed specifically at Simfish, I'm trying to say that you spend way way way too much time worrying about school. Relax. Take up some totally unrelated hobbies. Become a well-rounded person, as they say.

On a different tangent, about this online/offline friend thing.

In my mind, 99% of the time online friends are just the same as RL friends for all intents and purposes, because for the most part we hang out and BS anyway. With the online crowd we're more likely to suplement with some sort of computer game, with the RL crowd we do movies, D&D, and that sort of thing. The difference comes in sometimes needing to see real, live PEOPLE and interact with them, which is a large reason why I leave my house. I tried not doing this a few time during college, and it really really sucked, so I stopped.

And a final note to Regina that for one, nobody ever fits in in HS. Everyone always worries about fitting into some mythical happy thing that doesn't actually exist. I worried about it a lot myself at the time, and complained about not having many friends once to my mother, who promptly pointed out that actually I did, and qualitywise I was way better off than most. Once I stopped worrying about it and relaxed, it wasn't a big deal. Too, you're not going to have many if any classes with your good friends in college anyway, so it's not worth worrying about. But we can talk about that if you want.

Ok. I'm done now.

Posted by Dwip at February 15, 2005 7:04 PM