This. RIGHT HERE. CLICK IT. CLICK IT NOW.
So we read the latest Megatokyo. And we say to ourselves, "Archie Meets the Punisher? This I must see." So we browse random forum threads on the subject.
Damned if it ain't true.
But then we dug deeper. And we were horrified by what we found. I mean, you know, at some point, words fail.
These are worth browsing through for a laugh.
And you know, it's not like comic book reading was at all a part of my childhood, here, and it's not like I read anything vaguely like them except MT and Penny Arcade, but yeah. I dunno. I just dunno.
Square drive screws are teh evil. Square drive screws that strip out faster than $2 hookers are so fantastical evil I can't believe it. Why do they make them? We can only guess.
That will be all.
[edit] The real kicker here is, these are stainless steel screws that cost some ludicrous amount per screw, which we have to use because the new style of treated lumber corrodes normal screws like butter. Aeeyah. [/edit]
This is like the funniest thing I've read in weeks. Maybe ever. I'm having AoK flashbacks.
[edit - pasting whole thing here just 'cause]
If World War Two had been an RTS game, it would have gone a little something like this....
*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Eisenhower has joined the game.*
*paTTon has joined the game.*
*Churchill has joined the game.*
*benny-tow has joined the game.*
*T0J0 has joined the game.*
*Roosevelt has joined the game.*
*Stalin has joined the game.*
*deGaulle has joined the game.*
Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help
Hitler: o man ur focked
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
*benny-tow has been eliminated.*
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny~tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
benny~tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: fock u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
*Roosevelt has left the game.*
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
*T0J0 has been eliminated.*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game.*
*Eisenhower has left the game.*
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny~tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game.*
benny~tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game.*
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all fags
*Stalin has left the game.*
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.*
paTTon: o sh1t!
*paTTon has left the game.*
With the obligatory homages to Megatokyo and my desktop.
Also known as "Wai~ for detergent!" Yes, you pretty much had to be there. In fact, I'm sure that unless you're Whir and maybe Cole, this entry will totally make no sense to you. Suffer.
So, as long time readers will know, I am addicted to Megatokyo. Despite its making a ton of references to assorted manga/anime, I have never felt overly compelled to pick any of it up. Possibly I fear turning into the second coming of Whir the Anime Zombie.
But then Fred's like "I'm going to do a Haibane Renmei omake after Chapter 6 is done!" After a page or two of me going "Dude, this owns. I have GOT to watch Haibane Renmei now!" Whir hooked me up with a torrent for it.
So, the thing is like 3 gigs. Took me like 4 days to download. And let me tell you, my case fans are FREAKING LOUD AT NIGHT. So that part wasn't so good.
But Haibane Renmei was good. It was in fact real good. Wings and halos and thinktastic plot, oh my. But the voices were high pitched and annoying. That was bad. But the rest was super cool. I liked it, in other words. You should watch it. I'd say more, but anything I said would probably ruin it. Except that Reki is cool. Yay Reki.
So, sort of like Lay's potato chips, you can't just watch one, so Whir's like "Here, watch Gunslinger Girl." and I'm like "Well, ok." Because, you know, cute little cyborg girls with automatic weapons who kill people and then sit around talking about random girl stuff while cleaning weapons? Tell me you see the amusement potential there. Or maybe you don't. If you don't, just watch out for cute little girls with instrument cases, is all I'm saying.
So yeah. GSG was cool too. But talk about your high maintenance girlfriends.
*maniacal cackling*
So we like, live and stuff again. This is good. I've gone ahead and blogged what I had to blog and backdated it. The easiest way to see it all is to just go to the July archives page, and read all of it.
I'll talk about even more stuff later, when I decide what to say.
So, being bored with all other forms of entertainment lately, I have returned to that old standby, Civ 3. I've been playing this same game pretty much every day since the 12th, and oh what a game it is. Emperor, World map, 10 civs, historical starting locations. I'm America, and I own pretty much the pre-Mexican War boundries of the US, plus California, plus all of Canada except BC and Ontario. Aztecs have Mexico, Central America, the Pacific Northwest, BC, Alaska, and Ontario. Maya owns all of South America. There are assorted other civs over in Eurasia/Africa, including the Vikings, Babylon, the Hittites, the Mongols, and Spain. The Dutch are OCCing it off the coast of Africa, and the Romans got ate way back in the day.
So pretty much the whole world except the Aztecs and Maya are fighting me, and every so often each other. By the Industrial Age, I'm pretty much the only Republic left in the world. For some reason I am the only one driving the tech pace forward, to the result that I'm fighting Napoleonic/Civil War tech with WWII tech. My navy of destroyers and cruisers in particular is blowing up entire fleets of wooden frigates at a time, and they just keep coming.
So the Aztecs wind up declaring on me at some point. So I roll into action. Enormous stacks of arty blow up their city defenders, and my cavalry sweeps in for the kill. I'm rolling over the Aztecs with speeds unmatched in history. But my citizens are angry, very angry at me.
So, for some reason, this whole experience is feeling very...cinematic to me. I'm imagining these scenes that my troops and my people might be going through, sort of this bizzare mix of Saving Private Ryan, Platoon, and Born on the Fourth of July.
So imagine, if you will, sort of a black screen intro, with text on it describing the situation, with a voiceover by Abe Lincoln doing a speech that's some combo of "Four score and seven years ago..." "Yesterday, December 7th, 1941..." and "We will pay any price, bear any burden..."
Cut away to what looks like a World War I battlefield. Trenches, moonscape of craters in no-man's land, etc. From one trench, a bunch of guys in Civil War-esque uniforms, except in dark green, start going over the top and charging, only to get cut down by the other side, who look more like your average WWII GIs.
Cut away to a group of GIs in jungle camo moving into an Aztec town. Lots of thatch cottages, a big stone pyramid in the middle of town. The GIs are torching the place, tossing grenades in huts, such as that. An Aztec kid, early teens, goes running down a street. A GI lifts his rifle and shoots him. Atop the temple, amidst the bodies of what look like Aztec priests, stand two American GIs, covered in grime, fatigue jackets open, smoking and watching all this impassively.
"They hate us Frank. They really hate us. That kid? Probably turn into one of those guys that straps gunpowder to himself and suicide bombs us. It's a messed up war, Frank. A messed up war. Sometimes I wish I was in the Navy like my brother. They've got it easy."
Cut away to a sea battle in progress. Steel, WWII-looking ships are engaging wooden frigates that look like they're straight out of Master and Commander. Each shot from the US ships blows up a frigate, but there dozens of the wooden ships, and eventually it turns into hand to hand combat with cutlasses and pistols on the decks of the US ships.
Cut away to a scene of GIs, some in white winter camo, others not, in an Alaskan snowstorm in the mountains. A few try to ride horses, most are on foot. A couple horses are towing artillery pieces.
Cut away to an anti-war protest in Washington, with Abe Lincoln looking out at them from the White House. Girls in 1940s-style getup are chanting this world's equivilent of "Hey, hey, LBJ! How many kids did you kill today?" and the like. A nervous but hard-looking group of soldiers stands in a line around the White House.
----------------------------
It has been, shall we say, a hard war. A long war. I took down the last Aztecs in Central America in 1776. Sometimes I feel more like the Nazis than like the only representative government in the world. But we must protect our shores from the invader! Fukoku kyohei! Ein volk, ein Reich, ein President!
Picture, if you will, a stadium full of small forest animals. They're all doing the whole stomp stomp clap "We will, we will rock you!" thing. Rabbit chearleaders with pom-poms, the whole bit.
I hold, in my hand, or did until I put it down to type, my Miller Analogies Test score report.
Percentile for Intended Major: 96
Percentile for Total Group: 95
I am now officially one of the Smart People again. Woot.
Next stop, Praxis II Social Studies exams. 7:30 in the morning on the 6th, in Monmouth, which is an hour and a half away. Most nontriumphant.
Incidentally, nothing about emus appeared anywhere on the score report.
This whole Alsherok being down thing has really sucked, not in the least because I've lost both the blog and email, and I'm kind of wondering where the hell my MAT scores are. The application process for grad school is kinda freaking me out. It's hard, and it's bloody expensive - I just spent $205 on a couple Praxis tests, and there's like 3 more I have to take before it's over. And if I fuck this up, well, I'm not sure what happens then. It's scary.
Beyond that, this is the first time since I was in Europe that I've been typing up entries beforehand and posting them later. I still have a big text file with all my stuff from England to Italy. It's a lot. So whatever that's worth.
So I've been listening to this song...for about 3 days straight as of this writing, and counting. Jane Says, by Jane's Addiction. It's really, really catchy, but I'm not sure that explains all of it - I haven't listened to a song this much since...The Noose back in '03 maybe. Maybe not even then. Not sure what this is about. Maybe I'm trying to get away to Spain in my own little way. All I know is that when this sort of thing happens, the best thing to do is to park yourself somewhere, clamp the earphones on, and sing along until you're hoarse and the thing burns itself out.
I ain't hoarse yet, and the song still rocks, so.
-----------------
Jane says
I'm done with Surgio
he treats me like a ragdoll
she hides the television
says I don't owe him nothing
but if he comes back again
tell him to wait right here for me
or try again tomorrow
I'm gonna kick tomorrow
I'm gonna kick tomorrow
Jane says
Have you seen my wig around?
I feel naked without it
she knows they all want her to go
but that's ok man she don't like them anyway
Jane says I'm going away to Spain
when I get my money saved
gonna start tomorrow
I'm gonna kick tomorrow
I'm gonna kick tomorrow
She gets mad and she starts to cry
she takes a swing but she can't hit!
she don't mean no harm she just don't know
what else to do about it
Jane goes
to the store at eight
she walks up on St. Andrews
she waits and gets her dinner there
she pulls her dinner from her pocket
Jane says I ain't never been in love
I don't know what it is
she only knows if someone wants her
I want them if they want me
I only know they want me
She gets mad and she starts to cry
she takes a swing but she can't hit!
she don't mean no harm she just don't know
what else to do about it
Jane says...
Jane says...
So, I have this random phone conversation with Cole. And I get off the phone, and my first thought was "Wow, how totally last century was THAT?"
Yay IM.
