I think about 3 people who read this blog will understand the full impact of this whole thing, but I guess we've turned the phrase "wash the dog" into a sort of verb. Witness:

Cole: Yeah, sorry for not showing up earlier. I kind of got wash the dogged.

Yeah, you have to be one of those three people. But it's funny if you are.

*I walk in the door*

Me: Hey y'all.

Mel: Yeah, so the hamster thing was kind of disturbing.

Me: Well, yeah, a little. I have a warped sense of humor.

Chad: That was an interesting greeting. "Hi." "The hamster thing was disturbing."

*insert chortling*

Somewhat later...

Somebody: So what's the plan?

Me: Let's build a steam powered submarine, sail it to the evil nation of undead ruled by a dragon God-king, and take it over. We can do it. We're level 2.

Everybody: No.

Somewhat later...

*I'm reading a handout*

Me: So under the Cygnar entry. Is this "War-caster Nemo" guy important?

Matt: No, not at all. Why?

Me: So we don't have to go find Nemo or anything?

Matt: Did you set up that whole thing just so you could say that?

Me: Well, kind of, yes. But it needed to be said.

This is about the funniest thing I've seen in days.

Let me advance to you the idea that, and let us put this politely, Linksys is fucking shit, Monrotel is fucking shit, and that I am living in the 21st fucking century, and that for me to have internet access that works largely intermittantly is, quite frankly completely and totally unacceptable.

This was actually going to be, you know, a real post, but I'm pretty much out of patience at this point. It's coming, I promise.

I swear to you all that I will fully recount the whole High School 2: The Revenge thing to you fairly soon. However, as I have a ton of stuff to get done before I apply to grad school tomorrow and before I take my Praxis IIs Saturday, soon does not equal now.

However, I WILL mention a couple of things, the first being that I finally got my Praxis II scores from the previous test, which turn out to be:

Social Studies: Content Knowledge - 191 of 200
Social Studies: Interpretation and Analysis - 165 of 200

As to that first test, I have this nice little certificate here that says, among other things...

"Congratulations!

You have earned the ETS Recognition of Excellence for your recent outstanding performance on a Praxis II test.

You have earned this honor because your test score ranked among the top 15% of candidates nationwide..."

It was a freakin' easy test, but I guess it means I'm one of the Smart People, so hey.

On another note...

*Mom comes home from shopping*

*I dig through bags. I hold up a duck plushie*

"You got a duck plushie?"

"There's a frog, too. Aren't they cute?"

"But there's no rabbit plushie. Why isn't there a rabbit plushie?"

"They don't make them."

"That's discriminatory. I demand that you write a letter to the company and complain about their discrimination towards rabbits."

Best. BT. Cover. Ever.

And I will have mine Wednesday.

Still laughing.

"Water! I need water!"

"MUAHAHAHAHA!"

To quote Samson: "I bring news! The function which shall not be named has been defeated. Ironically with a single line of source code being corrected."

To quote Whir, upon hearing the news: "SOMEONE FIXED RD_PARSE?!"

And for the rest of you, well, it's a MUD thing. rd_parse is the function that controls damage dice for spells and things. And for the longest time, and we're talking since 1997 or so, it had some serious issues with not working. Said issues prompted me personally to attempt rewrites at least twice, and plenty of others to do the same over the years.

One line of code. Dammit.

For those of you who could care less, I'll write up my experiences amongst today's youth somewhat later. I'm tired. They exhaust me.

...between rabbits, and, well, rabbits...

Dad: Oh yeah. Seeing your blog reminded me. The black rabbit clan won.

Me: The what?

Dad: Well, in this park where we went, the last time we were there, there were tons of rabbits of all different colors. We come back this time, nothing but black rabbits. So the black rabbit clan won.

------------

Little did those poor other rabbits know, they stumbled on the secret rabbit ninja training grounds...

Nasty sunses! They burns us, precious! The burns us!

Wow. Haven't done THIS in a while. I SO need sleep.

And then there are those days when you're on, like, the bleeding edge of old school, so to speak.

It all started innocently enough...

Me: Hey, Mechwarrior 2. I haven't played you in a long time. I bet you're still fun.

MW2: I bet I am.

Me: How about I install you and play you?

MW2: OH MY GOD IT'S WINDOWS XP SAVE ME SAVE ME HELP HELP!

Me: Well, that's no good. Hey, The Internet, why can't I get MW2 and Windows XP to play together like good children?

The Internet: Well, Dwip, it turns out that for some random reason, the Windows version of MW2 won't work in XP. You need Win95 or Win98 to make it run.

Me: Oh, well then. Hey, Win98, how about I install you on Dino Comp, and then we'll do some MW2 installing?

Win98: Hmph. No!

Me: Well, whyever not?

Win98: Something's wrong. I keep hanging up during setup.

Me: MS Medic! MS Medic! Tell me what could be the problem?

MS Medic: Yeah, how about I don't.

Me: Dammit.

Win98: Ack! *dies*

Me: Well, ok then. Help me, Obi-Wan Win95, you're my only hope.

Win95: Let's do it. Ph34r my...wait, I'm too old to use leet. Fear my 640x480@16 color resolution!

Me: Hey, suck on this driver disk. And while we're at it, have this joystick install disk.

Win95: Well, this new resolution is super good, but that joystick disk didn't go down quite right. It made me throw up.

Me: Well, that's no good. We'll get you some more drivers off the internet.

Win95: What is the "internet"?

Me: Oh dear. Well, ok. First, have this NIC driver floppy. And, um, then we'll set you up on the network.

Arcane Win95 Network Settings: Huzzah!

Me: On second thought, we'll burn a CD.

Win95: Wai~! But I'm afraid I need to restart.

Me: Didn't you just restart like 30 times already?

Win95: I'm sorry. I want to be like my younger brother, XP, but I can't.

Me: It's ok, Win95. I forgive you. Hey, Joystick, we ready yet?

Joystick: Hey, wrong port, yo.

Me: What? There's only one joystick port on this...

Soundblaster 16: Hey, down here.

Me: SB16? You have a joystick port?

SB16: Yeah. This gigantic circuit board that's bigger than every other board in your computer put together has to do SOMETHING with itself.

Me: Oh, ok then. Well then. We all good, guys?

Win95: Good to go.

Joystick: Good to go.

SB16: Sounding a bit crackly in my old age, but then, I do date from like 1993.

Mechwarrior 2: Full install, and I quote, "Requires 120 MB!!!"

Me: Yeah, about that.

Mechwarrior 2: Yeah, I know. Also, if you want 640x480 movie playback, you'll need to set that up.

Me: Things really have improved in the last 10 years, haven't they?

Mechwarrior 4: Yeah, no doubt.

Mechwarrior 2: Shut up, you. Hey, come on. I was pretty badass in 1995, you know? Your 486 could barely handle me.

Me: So true. However, you must witness the power of this fully operational P500 with upgrades.

Win95: I can flyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Me: Hey, SB16. What's with the lack of sound?

SB16: I have an imaginary device conflict.

Me: An imaginary device conflict?

SB16: Yeah. And until you make it go away, no sound for you.

Me: But it's imaginary!

SB16: I don't care. No sound until you appease me.

Me: Um, crap. Hey Device Manager, any ideas?

Device Manager: No clue.

Me: Well, er...this will sting a bit...

SB16: What?

Me: *shoots SB16 in Fight Clubesque scene*

SB16: That really hurt! However, in a sudden moment of clarity, I can tell you that you will need to cross the Chasm of Device Manager, and do battle with the PCI Steering Hydra for the Sacred IRQ Number.

Me: *does battle*

PCI Steering Hydra: Ha! Nice try for IRQ 4, there, Dwip, but I thwart you!

Me: Dammit. *does battle* Wait. Idea. *feints towards Printer Port*

Printer Port: Foiled, foolish Dwip! IRQ 7 is mine! MINE!

Me: Well, shit guys. Let's retreat and think something else up. And I'm tired. It's 5:30am.

Harking back to the mechanized days of yore, I was digging around in my Trillian message archives looking for something totally different, and found this old conversation of Cole's and mine:

[01:58] Dwip: Time to jot that down on the list, along with the 9x9 volcano map.
[01:58] Dwip: I mean, not that we'll ever PLAY on a 9x9 volcano map, but it would be kind of cool.
[01:58] Clyos: 9x9 volcano map? ummm..... that's a little out of control you realize, we'd need like ww2 shufflboard sticks for that
[01:59] Dwip: Er, 3x3
[01:59] Dwip: 9x9. Aeeyah.
[01:59] Clyos: ok, 3x3 i can handle
[01:59] Dwip: I can't even comprehend a 9x9 map game.
[02:00] Dwip: Like, it's the entire mech battle for Middle Earth, on 1:1 scale.
[02:00] Dwip: Why Middle Earth? I have no idea.
[02:00] Clyos: because honestly you can't call yourself the King of Gondor without the Awesome 9Q
[02:01] Clyos: and sam and frodo could have Hussars
[02:01] Dwip: No way, man. You've read the books. It takes them FOREVER to get across Mordor. Urbanmechs for sure.
[02:02] Clyos: urbanmechs, good choice
[02:02] Dwip: Boromir gets the Loki.
[02:02] Clyos: cause he's awesome, but he dies easy
[02:02] Dwip: Exactly.
[02:02] Dwip: Maybe the Vulture.
[02:02] Clyos: Gimli gets..... the Berserker
[02:02] Dwip: Yah.
[02:03] Dwip: Legolas gets...the Viking?
[02:03] Clyos: Legolas nah, something faster
[02:03] Dwip: Hrm.
[02:03] Clyos: yeoman?
[02:03] Dwip: Not the 'pult...
[02:03] Dwip: Don't remember the Yeoman.
[02:03] Clyos: pair of LRM 20's or 15's or something
[02:04] Clyos: what is that little thing that has like 80 missile racks for the clans
[02:04] Dwip: Yeoman's really slow.
[02:04] Clyos: the Owens?
[02:05] Dwip: Nah, the Owens blows. Maybe a Trebuchet.
[02:06] Dwip: It's that or an LRM Thor.
[02:06] Dwip: Thor E. Here we go.
[02:06] Dwip: ATM 12, ATM 6, ERPPC.
[02:06] Clyos: how fast?
[02:07] Dwip: 5/8/5
[02:07] Dwip: I can't really think of any fast support mechs off top of my head. Well, the Cougar, but it sucks.
[02:07] Clyos: better, the Ryoken D
[02:08] Clyos: 2 LRM 20's, 2 SRM 2's and it moves 6/9
[02:08] Dwip: Was trying to get it to jump, but sure.
[02:09] Dwip: And Merry and Pippen get something on order of the 3050 Ostscout.
[02:09] Clyos: and they use broken charging rules?
[02:10] Dwip: Or something.
[02:10] Clyos: we could mod them out with hatchets
[02:10] Dwip: Because, well, they don't do a whole lot.
[02:10] Dwip: Locusts with swords.
[02:10] Clyos: just give them Gurkas and call it a day
[02:10] Dwip: Which, now that I think about it, would be hilarious.
[02:11] Clyos: Gandalf needs...... something..... majestic
[02:11] Dwip: Like the Daishi? :P
[02:11] Clyos: more like the masakari
[02:11] Dwip: Or that.
[02:12] Clyos: not that it matters which mod i pick
[02:12] Dwip: I think the B is the really good one.
[02:12] Clyos: none of them really suck, i mean you could run your entire clan off of masakaris
[02:12] Dwip: The C rather.
[02:13] Dwip: Yes.
[02:13] Dwip: Although I'd run my entire clan off something like the Thor.
[02:13] Clyos: heh, i'd pick the Mad Cat myself
[02:13] Dwip: Doesn't jump.
[02:13] Clyos: it can
[02:14] Dwip: And Theoden shows up in...the 3025 Charger.
[02:14] Clyos: heh, nah, theodin doesn't suck that bad
[02:14] Dwip: Because he's pretty freaking useless.
[02:14] Dwip: Obviously Denethor gets a Firestarter.
[02:15] Clyos: heh, because well, incinerating stuff is his thing
[02:15] Dwip: Exactly.
[02:15] Dwip: And Faramir shows up in a Javalin. Being as how he's the Trooper Boy of Middle Earth.
[02:15] Clyos: yeah, yeah he does
[02:16] Dwip: And we'll give Eowyn... the Liao Cataphract with stealth armor.
[02:16] Clyos: Arawyn gets..... ummm...... a Verfolger, and gets hit location bonuses for hitting the head?
[02:16] Clyos: welll, however you spell her damn name
[02:16] Dwip: Actually, that's what Theoden gets. The Cataphract.
[02:17] Clyos: cause it sucks, just not so bad that it never sees action
[02:17] Dwip: Exactly.
[02:17] Dwip: Although the Liao one isn't bad.
[02:17] Clyos: it's not good either
[02:17] Dwip: It's really hard to go wrong with stealth armor and gauss rifles.
[02:18] Clyos: Sauron gets a Leviathan, Warship Mod
[02:18] Dwip: Witness the totally awesome mech Clara Parks has.
[02:18] Dwip: heh
[02:18] Dwip: Yeah.
[02:18] Dwip: Gollum's got a modded out Locust with RLs and stealth armor.
[02:18] Clyos: but unfortunately he is still weak to the alamo missiel
[02:18] Clyos: heh, because that has style
[02:19] Dwip: And Saruman's got...like the 3025 Banshee. He sucks.
[02:19] Clyos: yeah, he does
[02:19] Dwip: OTOH, all the orcs drive Hatchetmen.
[02:19] Clyos: and the riders of rohan get... the blitzkrieg?
[02:20] Dwip: 3025 Cataphracts.
[02:20] Dwip:
[02:20] Clyos: no, no, no, the name doesn't matter
[02:20] Dwip: Ok, so the No-Dachi or something.
[02:20] Dwip: No Dachi maybe.
[02:20] Clyos: ooh, Hunchbacks modded with swords
[02:20] Dwip: Or that.
[02:21] Clyos: the elves get..... the Hollander
[02:21] Dwip: Yes, yes they do.
[02:21] Dwip: And everyone in Gondor gets...something craptastic.
[02:21] Dwip: Because they sure do get womped on a lot.
[02:22] Clyos: nah, they live through it. though, so they are tough, they get the 3025 enforcer
[02:22] Dwip: Arright. I guess it had to go to somebody.
[02:22] Dwip: Grima gets an Agromech.
[02:22] Clyos: and Elrond..... he gets...... the Mackie, because he's that old
[02:23] Dwip: Heh.
[02:23] Dwip: What about, um...elf chick. Blanking on name. Lorien. Has ring.
[02:23] Dwip: Galadriel.
[02:23] Clyos: yeah, well, she doesn't do shit either
[02:23] Dwip: This is true.
[02:24] Clyos: so she can have..... the Kraken
[02:24] Dwip: The ferret scout VTOL.
[02:24] Clyos: rofl
[02:24] Clyos: and Urukai get Axemen instead of hatchetmen
[02:25] Dwip: Aff.
[02:25] Dwip: And the phant guys get Goliaths.
[02:25] Clyos: defintly
[02:26] Dwip: And the undead get...Clantech modded No Dachis with stealth armor and C3i.
[02:26] Dwip: Or something similar.
[02:26] Clyos: because..... well, they kick everybodiy's ass
[02:26] Dwip: Exactly.
[02:27] Dwip: Ack. We've run out of people.
[02:27] Clyos: yeah, we are
[02:27] Dwip: And since I just realized I need to be awake in 8 hours, I think that's good.

----------------

Well, I was amused.