Greek Diplomacy

Despite the earliest leader in the history of anybody, I of course can't go for an army because of my complete lack of cities. And the currently produced unit is a settler? Nonono... But wait. Aren't those the Pyramids? Why, yes, actually, they are. <click> What's better, the spare warrior in Athens takes down the remaining American warrior with no loss of hp, going vet. Am I the secret militarist civ, or what?

2230 BC comes and, hey, wait a sec. That random border in the fog isn't orange, it's red! Hello Caesar... You'll give me 20 gold and warrior code for masonry, you say? Sure, why not. Too bad I'm going to have to kill you! Die!

Yeah Caesar. Closer. Bonds. My hoplites, closer to your cities? Your people in bondage? Yes. Let's do that.

2150 BC, Sparta is founded on the river below the two wheats. Great land, once I get it improved. First we need units, though. And there's another one of those annoying American warriors coming through. But that's why we have archers, right?

2030 BC, Writing comes in, and we start on Literature. And the foreign advisor comes out with this brilliant idea:

We're the Greeks, fool! We don't need diplomacy! We need to crush the world under our bootheel!

<foreign advisor is beheaded and replaced with a cow>

And Lord McCauley seems to think we're bigger than two whole civs, one of whom is the Americans. Yay us.

1725 BC - Abe offers peace, if only Greece gives up writing. Four Greek archers descend on Washington, determined to find Abe's drugs and confiscate them. Meanwhile, four Roman warriors descend on Athens, only to meet up with the three hoplite defense. Maybe this ancient war thing isn't so bad after all.

1675 BC - Seems Abe was reading the same book I was, despite everyone's lack of literature. Four spears in Washington? Oh dear. Oh dearie dearie me.

1575 BC - Thermopylae is founded as a forward base to attack Washington. A census of the empire is taken...

1475 BC - Corinth is founded off to the northwest, completely undefended for the moment. Running thin here...

1425 BC - Violent archer vs hoplite warfare in Thermopylae. Our elite 1 hp hoplites laugh at America's piddly regular archers. (The RNG hates me, it hates me not. It hates me, it hates me not...) Next turn, it happens again. Yay us!

1350 BC - Ack, it's the Zulu! Expansionist central around here, sheesh. Shaka is amazingly polite to somebody who's an even larger suicidal warmonger than he is. He's also got a ton of great tech. For contact with the Romans and 275 gold, he'll give us Ceremonial Burial, Iron Working, and the Wheel. He's also got contact with the Indians, but we don't really want that, do we? And of course Shaka will understand when we declare war, won't he?

Whoa... and we have iron somewhere right close!

On closer examination, the iron is UNDER Thermopylae, and we've got horses down south of Sparta. This will be good, eventually.

Really soon after, iron is hooked up, and swordsmen come online. Yay us.

1300 BC, Delphi is founded just southeast of Athens, near Roman territory.

1175 BC, Delphi is obliterated after the 1hp hoplite defender thing fails on me finally. :| On the other hand, the 1hp spear thing works great for Abe, apparently, as I lose a bunch of times in Washington to that very thing.

Also in this year, temples are whipped in Sparta and Athens. I dislike whipping, but I sure do need those temples... Dunno if this was a good move or not.

Next turn, it becomes apparent that no, it really wasn't. They're all REALLY PISSED now. Worse production than before, even. I also belatedly realize I have the lux slider. Doh. Looks like the raid on Abe's drugs worked, anyway...

1025 BC, Athens is attacked by Roman archers and falls horribly. This is going to be a very short game...

850 BC - Here come the... Indians. Who have Mysticism and will trade for 200 gold. Sure. And have amusing things to say before we declare war on them.

800 BC - Athens is retaken but is size 1. We're going to make sure that NEVER happens again. More hoplites!

730 BC - Beijing completes the Colossus. Ick.