My participation here can be entirely blamed on Sirian. We haven't quite found evidence for his involvement poverty in Africa or North Korean nuclear weapons, but this is his fault:

"I DO hope you will sign up for Epic 33. The humor potential will be boundless!"

We can but hope. With apologies, I note that Civ 3 isn't exactly an RTS, and likely can't hope to play like an RTS. I say, having played a lot of a pretty good RTS.

Anyway. Doom and gloom aside, it'll be interesting, if nothing else. It's, yknow, the Persians. Haven't played the Persians since Back In the Day a couple times. The start looks hellacious. Ugly.

And there's a certain amount of pondering about where one wants to stand in this thing. I mean, when one's website is named "The Ravings of Demented Rabbits" it kind of leads you to root for one side rather than the other, yknow? We shall see. We shall see.

Yes, this is likely to be a true after-action report. Not a lot of pictures. Ah well.

Or maybe not. After founding on the starting spot, we pop the hut. It's a settler. Bonus. Score. r0x0rz. <air guitar riff>. Etc. Party on, dudes.

So we expand for a bit. Get totally denied for Iron by the Ottomans. They demand some stuff in 570 BC, I say no, we go to war, I lose hard. In the end, I'm forced to give them all my money to keep from being killed off. Quoth Bill and Ted: "BOGUS!"

So around 300 AD, we build up a 12 archer SOD, run over a couple Otto cities, and get thrashed by MDI. And then we pay 260 gold in war reparations. Plus everyone else is in the Middle Ages demanding tribute. Most non-triumphant.

650. The year of greatness. Harbor comes online in Antioch, and we trade our two remaining gems to Babylon and Spain for the entire remaining Ancient Age, about 5 techs. Everyone else is busy working on Copernicus. Welcome to Empity. And we have, count em, 3 gems and a horse for resources. We're the ass end of the world. Hey Sirian. I thought Epic 32 was supposed to be the no resource game. ;)

And of course I'm still being raped for everything I own by tribute demands. Be, uh, excellent to each other?

And lo, in 1000 BC, Babylon gets overrun by Osman, and breaks my Gems deal I had going, thus ruining my rep with everyone in the world. Bogus. Heinous. Most totally non-triumphant.

My expansion phase can be summed up by these shots:

Yeah, I lost out in every single phase of the expansion game. And of course what you don't see is me losing out on both irons. I COULD have had the one, had I sent the settler the right way, but who knew? In any case, welcome to 7CC land.

In 1040 AD, Republic comes in just as our gem deals are ending. Hrm. 5 turn anarchy. And, uh, this:

After some serious trading up to Gunpowder in 1140 AD, we, uh, haven't got any saltpeter. Gee, who saw THAT coming, I wonder?

Nice Ottos. Good Ottos.

Oh, you're going down to go thrash the Vikings, you say? Ok. Wanna RoP? Oh you do? Good.

Bow down before the one you serve, indeed.

Incidentally, there are gigantic raging world wars going on just now.

And the world in 1420:

Come 1460...

Hey Ottos. How about some Iron. 460 gold, you say? Here you go.

Hey Spain. How about Steam Power. 1700 gold, you say? Here you go.

No coal. Denied.

But the Ottos will trade me some for gpt. Rule. And they're running an RR line through my territory. Rule.

Bow down before the one you serve. <grovels before Osman>

In 1480, after a gigantic Celtic blitzkrieg, Germany goes down hard. So does Babylon.

In 1600, we trade our soul for Refining. No oil. Yeah, saw that one coming.

In 1695, we trade for Rep Parts. No rubber. Who ever would've guessed?

In 1832, I enter the modern age and get Fission as my free tech. I have uranium, astonishingly.

In 1860, my Intelligence Agency completes. I attempt to plant a spy on the Celts. And succeed. Tech time...and we score Rocketry! <air guitar riff>

But we of course have no aluminum.

But, you ask, can we do it a second time? No.

Bow down before the one you serve. Hey Osman, how about an MPP? You'll give me rubber for one? Ok.

Of course, this puts me at war with the Celts, England, and Spain, but I'm dead already, really. And we get Space Flight in 1870, so... And then we get Superconductor in 1880. And Satellites in 1900.

Lalala, MPP runs out in 1902, but let's see what we can ge...Osman, you don't have Superconductor? How about Coal, Spices, Ivory, and Computers for it? Oh, you like that idea? Excellent.

And there was much making of peace. And much repairing of infrastructure. All of which was completed by 1936, by which time I had amassed a very considerable sum of $$$. Yes, boys and girls, this is going right where you think it is. Fail the steal but don't get declared on. Fail the second and Brennus declares. 600 gold gets me a RoP and an alliance vs the Celts with Osman. Bring it. And lo, in 1940, we steal Ecology.

1956, we snag oil. Rock on, baby.

Incidentally, at the same time, we're working on all the SS parts we can.

In 1980, we FINALLY after like 10 tries steal Nuclear Power. Happy Birthday, me.

Gems, 1000 gold, and 480 gpt (!!!) to Spain for the Laser. Yes, this is ridiculous. Yes, I can barely scrape by for 4 turns. Yes, I should've waited. No, I don't much care.

Bingo. Party on, dudes.

Bow down before the one you serve, losers. Buahahahahahahaha. To finish the line, "You're going to get what you deserve." Heh heh heh. <gloat>

Yeah, all you guys. All you big 800 lb. gorillas that have been beating the hell out of each other for a thousand years. You. All of you.

Nyah.

6 hours, 16 minutes, and 9 seconds. 1272 points, behind the 4000 point Celts and pretty much everyone else. RBCiv-33 the Terrible. Obviously the little clubman dude never had to 7CC his way to space.

The score's about 3rd from the bottom of my HoF, but in terms of sheer difficulty, Epic 33 and RBP-10A are tied. Certainly this FELT like a Deity game, Emperor level or no. Not having any resources is brutally killer. It'll be interesting to see how many tortises we end up with.

Hrm.

<waves hand> This is not quite the humorous report you are looking for.

Sirian: This is not quite the humorous report I was looking for.

This wasn't quite the GAME I was looking for, either. You figure, this should be something fun, something light. Yeaaaaaaaaah. Right. Grueling. The tedium of banging end turn 5,000 turns. Worth it for the end, though. Very. Though I never could have pulled it off had the entire world not had a gigantic world war for a thousand years. Single-handedly, that won it for me. The only people in my tech league were Brennus and Izzy. Had either of them paused to build SS parts, I'd never have had it.

Also, my settling the spices/iron location by the Ottoman capital first thing would have won it for me. Singlehandedly, even. Not refusing the tribute demand that lost me Arbela comes a semi-close second, but really, iron and that physical location would have meant total domination of the game. I predict that those who get that spot or acquire that spot in a reasonable amount of time will totally dominate, and those who cannot will either lose, or pull out Phyrric wins like my own.

In any case, that was quite the ride.  Humorous, no.  Fun?  Arguable.  Very much worth the ride?  Oh yeah.