Marius' Rant of the Day, 9/16/00

Ok, it's not really a rant, but... it's funny though, in a weird sort of way. The topic? Home Improvement. We start with our old 15 foot satellite dish in the back yard that somehow died a while back. Dad decides to rip it out. First try: Chain from the tractor around the pole. <yankyankpullpulltugthump> Nope. Dad's next idea? PUSH the thing. The end result ended and sounded something like a rape attempt on a donkey in a metal shop. It also didn't work. Next idea? <digdigdigdigdigdigdig> After a couple feet of hole got dug, we tried the push thing again. Nah. Well, what if we take the dish off? Dish comes right off, leaving the pole. Except during this, the truck with our new refrigerator pulls up. Now we get to have fun with that! Yay. After taking off half of the front door and opening the other half (our front door is actually two doors), they take the old fridge out. All the while, mom is standing by wincing and going pleasedon'tkillmystairseek. Old one's out, they bring the new one up. Dad's pretty much in the way trying to help the whole time, mom's running around like a chicken with it's head cut off, and I could care less. Ok, so now we have a new fridge.

Mom: Isn't it neat! I like it! I like it! Don't you guys?

Dad: Um, it's a fridge.

Me: I'm with dad.

We now return to your regularly scheduled satellite dish removal. After a great deal more digging, the pole FINALLY comes out, revealing the fact that it is indeed quality construction. 5 feet of concrete, and there's easily 200 lbs of concrete there, plus the pole.

Me: Well, now what do we do with it?

Dad: Er... <ponders> Let's put it down by the white shed with all that other crap.

Me: Riiiight <stifles laughter>

This was thusly accomplished. Now for the dish. Ran the tractor up to it, pushed the rim into the bucket of the tractor, and chained it in. In a flash of inspiration and hilarity, I ran inside, grabbed the digital camera, and snapped some pics. Too bad nobody knows where the serial cable is... The vision of this tractor with a 15 footdish on the front is pretty comical.

Then we got to have fun demolishing this old planter box on the deck. The idea is to use levers to get it up a bit, then take the tractor and pull it down on the ground. I got to stand on the lever. I step up, the tractor moves in, pushes, and the whole thing turns into mini-treb, with me as the rock. Whee.

Thus concludes Marius' semi-rant. I hope somebody finds at least a little bit of humor in this, cause I sure as hell do. Then again, that might be because I got almost no sleep and I'm exhausted, but hey.